NOW IS THE TIME ON SPROCKETS WHEN WE DANCE!

SNL TimelineI thought this was kind of interesting. An extremely detailed timeline of all 37 years of Saturday Night Live. It includes every host and cast member since the show debuted in 1975 until today. Even though I’ve been a pretty regular watcher for years, I was surprised to see some names that I either didn’t know had hosted or had simply forgotten about - Ted Knight, Raquel Welch, Kate Jackson, Rick Nelson just to name a few.

The timeline also highlights some historical footnotes throughout the show’s run, such as the fact that Frank Zappa was banned from SNL on October 21, 1978 or that Anthony Michael Hall became the youngest cast member at age 17 for season 11, 1985-86.

The entire graphic, as you could imagine, is huge, so you’ll have to do a lot of scrolling to read through the whole thing. For me, it rekindled the debate on which cast was the best. I’m partial to the Eddie Murphy (check him out as Buckwheat) years and the Dana Carvey, Mike Myers, Phil Hartman Victoria Jackson years from 1986 to about 1992.

My favorite sketch ever was the very first Sprockets sketch with Ben Stiller playing an adult Butch Patrick from the Munsters, complete with the werewolf make up. Of course, I can’t find that sketch anywhere online, so I’ve included a short video of the Sprockets dance at the end of a sketch with Woody Harrelson. It should make you as happy as a little girrrllll!

Auf Wiedersehen!

Source: laughspin.com

An Iowan, A Zebra, and A Parrot Walk In To A Bar … After this news item broke yesterday about the arrest of  55-year-od Jarred Reiter for DUI outside a bar in Iowa and police discovering a zebra and a parrot in his pick up truck outside a bar called the Dog House Lounge, I’ve been obsessed with really bad walk into a bar jokes. I mean jokes so bad, so lame, that you can’t help but roll your eyes as you start laughing at them. The lamer the better. Anyway, I got curious and did a little search on the web for some of the worst ‘walk into a bar’ jokes. Here are a few of my favorites. Enjoy! ———————————————————————————————————————- A skeleton walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “Get me a beer and a mop.” A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, ” Why the long face?” (You can also substitute the horse for John Kerry, Ric Ocasekk, and Celine Dion). A screwdriver walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!”  The Screwdriver responds, “You have a drink named Murray?” A woman and a duck walk into a bar.The bartender says, “Where’d you get the pig.”The woman says, “That’s not a pig, that’s a duck.”He says, “I was talking to the duck.” Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks. A mushroom walks into a bar and the bartender says “We don’t serve your kind here.” and the mushroom says - “Why not? I’m a fungi.” A dog with his leg wrapped in bandages hobbles into a saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces: “I’m lookin’ fer the man that shot my paw.” A monk, a priest and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, “Hey! Is this some kind of joke?” Two peanuts walked into a bar, and one was a-salted. A termite walks into a bar and says, “Is the bar tender here?” A dyslexic man walks into a bra. A computer programmer walks into a bar and goes up to two girls. They completely ignore him. A conservative, a moderate, and a liberal walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hi, Mitt!” A giraffe walks into a bar and says, “High balls are on me! ———————————————————————————————————————- Finally, if you have a punch line you’d like to offer to complete the headline joke “An Iowan, a zebra, and a parrot walk into a bar,” send me a note and I’ll post some of the best ones at a later day.
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An Iowan, A Zebra, and A Parrot Walk In To A Bar …

After this news item broke yesterday about the arrest of  55-year-od Jarred Reiter for DUI outside a bar in Iowa and police discovering a zebra and a parrot in his pick up truck outside a bar called the Dog House Lounge, I’ve been obsessed with really bad walk into a bar jokes. I mean jokes so bad, so lame, that you can’t help but roll your eyes as you start laughing at them. The lamer the better.

Anyway, I got curious and did a little search on the web for some of the worst ‘walk into a bar’ jokes. Here are a few of my favorites. Enjoy!

———————————————————————————————————————-

A skeleton walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “Get me a beer and a mop.”

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, ” Why the long face?” (You can also substitute the horse for John Kerry, Ric Ocasekk, and Celine Dion).

A screwdriver walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!”  The Screwdriver responds, “You have a drink named Murray?”

A woman and a duck walk into a bar.
The bartender says, “Where’d you get the pig.”
The woman says, “That’s not a pig, that’s a duck.”
He says, “I was talking to the duck.”

Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks.

A mushroom walks into a bar and the bartender says “We don’t serve your kind here.” and the mushroom says - “Why not? I’m a fungi.”

A dog with his leg wrapped in bandages hobbles into a saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces: “I’m lookin’ fer the man that shot my paw.”

A monk, a priest and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, “Hey! Is this some kind of joke?”

Two peanuts walked into a bar, and one was a-salted.

A termite walks into a bar and says, “Is the bar tender here?”

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

A computer programmer walks into a bar and goes up to two girls. They completely ignore him.

A conservative, a moderate, and a liberal walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hi, Mitt!”

A giraffe walks into a bar and says, “High balls are on me!

———————————————————————————————————————-

Finally, if you have a punch line you’d like to offer to complete the headline joke “An Iowan, a zebra, and a parrot walk into a bar,” send me a note and I’ll post some of the best ones at a later day.

With A Side Of Socialism This wouldn’t be as funny if weren’t so darn true.
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With A Side Of Socialism

This wouldn’t be as funny if weren’t so darn true.

Source: rightklik76

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

More nanny state nonsense from the good folks at Reason. This is actually the video they created for the March version of their Nanny of the Month, but I missed it until today. My great state of Alabama is mentioned in this episode, thanks to an insane bill that would make it a crime to annoy someone online.

But the real insane busy-body is none other than King Bloomberg himself. The Emperor of the Big Apple banned Good Samaritan donations of food to the city’s homeless shelters. Why? Because the city’s bureaucrats can’t verify the nutrition content, naturally. Apparently, he would rather us watch our fellow man starve to death than to up his cholesterol a point of two. Pathetic.

I know this news is a couple of months old and many of us have moved on to other, more important things, such as did the mean and rascally Romney pull a heartless joke on a child suffering from medically diagnosed excessive flatulence by putting a Whoopie Cushion on his chair. However, it’s still worth noting the insanity coming from out self-appointed rulers.

Honestly, I don’t think they’ll be satisfied until we’re all forced into wearing a helmet to go to the bathroom. Nannies of the world, please just go away and let me live my life, ‘kay.

Source: reason.com

Liberals claim to want to give a hearing to other views, but then are shocked and offended to discover that there are other views.
~William F. Buckley, Jr.
The Ryan Express - Behind The Scenes I had a chance to interview baseball legend and all-around good guy Nolan Ryan recently for this piece in the May issue Tailgater Monthly Magazine. We spoke over the phone for about an hour and talked about a ton of issues - college football, politics, baseball’s steroid-era, etc. As you could imagine, he spent quite a bit of  time talking about his cattle and beef companies, and this current crop of Texas Rangers - a team he’s served as President and General Manager of since 1998 - and their trips to the World Series in 2011 and 2012. As we were talking it dawned on me, as hard it is to believe, that the Ryan Express left the train station for the last time almost 20 years ago. There was so much ground covered that I had to leave some good stuff out, a painful process akin to writing some of my family out of my will. Below are a handful of quotes from Ryan that didn’t make it into the article. On being drafted by the New York Mets at age 18 “That was a cultural shock for me, coming from small town Texas and having only been out of the state twice in my life. Going to New York for the first time as player and having never been to New York City was, obviously, a big adjustment for me from the standpoint of I had never lived in a big city. I think I went there at a good time in my life, because I was young and it was exciting. We had a very young ball club and a lot of us knew each other coming up through the farm system.” On taking the job as president of the Rangers in 2008 “I thought I had patience until I took this job, but in the first year I realized I didn’t have the patience that I thought I had. What I had to do is step back and think about how I was when I was 21 or 22 years old. A lot of these players we had were really young players without a lot of experience, and so I had to realize that they’re playing in the big leagues, but are still in the developmental part of their career. I had to just look at it a little differently and that’s just one reason why I’m very excited about our ball club, because I still don’t think that a lot of these players that we have really reached their true potential yet. I think that some of them are capable of doing more than they’ve done already.” I’ll end with this next quote, which is really quite interesting. Ryan discuses how training and nutrition for baseball has changed since breaking into the majors in 1965. “I always felt if there is anything I could do to improve myself and be better prepared then I was certainly in favor of it. The second half of my career three was a real push with sports medicine and conditioning, and a better understanding with what you had to do as far as specific conditioning for what type of sport you played and what you did within that sport. So, I certainly feel like I benefited from that and I was very open-minded to it, too. We would take on some training techniques that the Japanese used. They were ahead of the time. I had a pitching coach that went over and worked the Japanese in the off-season and always came back with some things, and I would try them and incorporate them into my workout routine. If I felt like they helped me I’d continue to do them.” Click here to read my interview with Nolan Ryan, or drop me a line and let me know what you think.
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The Ryan Express - Behind The Scenes

I had a chance to interview baseball legend and all-around good guy Nolan Ryan recently for this piece in the May issue Tailgater Monthly Magazine. We spoke over the phone for about an hour and talked about a ton of issues - college football, politics, baseball’s steroid-era, etc.

As you could imagine, he spent quite a bit of  time talking about his cattle and beef companies, and this current crop of Texas Rangers - a team he’s served as President and General Manager of since 1998 - and their trips to the World Series in 2011 and 2012. As we were talking it dawned on me, as hard it is to believe, that the Ryan Express left the train station for the last time almost 20 years ago.

There was so much ground covered that I had to leave some good stuff out, a painful process akin to writing some of my family out of my will. Below are a handful of quotes from Ryan that didn’t make it into the article.

On being drafted by the New York Mets at age 18

“That was a cultural shock for me, coming from small town Texas and having only been out of the state twice in my life. Going to New York for the first time as player and having never been to New York City was, obviously, a big adjustment for me from the standpoint of I had never lived in a big city. I think I went there at a good time in my life, because I was young and it was exciting. We had a very young ball club and a lot of us knew each other coming up through the farm system.”

On taking the job as president of the Rangers in 2008

“I thought I had patience until I took this job, but in the first year I realized I didn’t have the patience that I thought I had. What I had to do is step back and think about how I was when I was 21 or 22 years old. A lot of these players we had were really young players without a lot of experience, and so I had to realize that they’re playing in the big leagues, but are still in the developmental part of their career. I had to just look at it a little differently and that’s just one reason why I’m very excited about our ball club, because I still don’t think that a lot of these players that we have really reached their true potential yet. I think that some of them are capable of doing more than they’ve done already.”

I’ll end with this next quote, which is really quite interesting. Ryan discuses how training and nutrition for baseball has changed since breaking into the majors in 1965.

“I always felt if there is anything I could do to improve myself and be better prepared then I was certainly in favor of it. The second half of my career three was a real push with sports medicine and conditioning, and a better understanding with what you had to do as far as specific conditioning for what type of sport you played and what you did within that sport. So, I certainly feel like I benefited from that and I was very open-minded to it, too. We would take on some training techniques that the Japanese used. They were ahead of the time. I had a pitching coach that went over and worked the Japanese in the off-season and always came back with some things, and I would try them and incorporate them into my workout routine. If I felt like they helped me I’d continue to do them.”

Click here to read my interview with Nolan Ryan, or drop me a line and let me know what you think.

Source: tailgatermonthly-digital.com

A Goober Of An Alabama Football Story If you haven’t heard by now that George “Goober” Lindsey died Sunday, May 6, then I’d like to know what rock you’re living under. The actor best known for playing Goober Pyle on the Andy Griffith Show was 83 years old. He was also a native of my home state of Alabama. Lindsey was said to be one of the nicest and funniest men in show business, and did a lot of philanthropic work, including raising over $1 million for Special Olympics and establishing the George Lindsey/UNA Film Festival in 1998, an annual  spring event at his alma mater the University of North Alabama. Even though I never met him, I do have one funny story about George “Goober” Lindsey that I think you might enjoy. And, as most things do in the great state of Alabama, it involves football. When I was a kid I was a big Alabama Crimson Tide football fan, and I 11 years old when Alabama traveled to Happy Valley to play Penn State on that fateful day - October 8, 1983. If you say those dates to any real Alabama fan, you’ll no doubt get a huge - and mostly, negative - reaction. Alabama trailed for much of the game, finding themselves down 34-7 in the third quarter. At that point, the Crimson Tide began what should have been considered one of the most incredible comebacks in college football history - had they not been robbed by the men in zebra stripes. Alabama quarterback Walter Lewis, after throwing 3 interceptions in the first half, led the Tide back, chopping the lead to 34-28 late in the fourth quarter. With one touchdown already called back due to a clipping penalty, the Tide looked they were about to tie the game in the closing seconds when Lewis broke free from a Penn State defender, scrambled and found tight end Preston Gothard in the back of the end zone for an apparent touchdown. However, the official closest to Gothard, waving his hands wildly, called the catch incomplete, claiming came down out of bounds. The problem is, the official was. Incredibly wrong. He was so wrong Ronnie Milsaps could tell Gothard was in bounds. For proof, check out the video of the play. Alabama would end up losing the game, going down in Crimson Tide Football folklore as The Catch That Didn’t Count. At home watching the game on television, I went ballistic. The loss completely ruined my Saturday afternoon, however, the evening was about to get worse. My parents were dragging me and my sister to downtown Birmingham to see Barbara Mandrell in concert. My parents and sister were, and still are, country music fans, but I would rather have had my tongue shaved with a rusty straight-razor than sit through this thing at the age of 11. After what seemed like an eternity getting into the arena, the  show finally started with an opening set by Roy Clark with Mandrell to follow. During the break in sets, we hear over the PA system “Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome star of stage and screen and Jasper, Alabama, native George ‘Goober’ Lindsey.” Lindsey walks on stage to a nice, but not terribly enthusiastic, applause to begin a 30-minute or so stand up comedy routine. After the applause dies down, there was a short moment of silence, then Lindsey says the following: “I don’t care what the refs say, we won!” The place, of course, went NUTS and, even though I don’t remember one joke he actually told, I can remember laughing my butt off the next half hour. Thanks, George. You were one funny Alabama goober.
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A Goober Of An Alabama Football Story

If you haven’t heard by now that George “Goober” Lindsey died Sunday, May 6, then I’d like to know what rock you’re living under. The actor best known for playing Goober Pyle on the Andy Griffith Show was 83 years old. He was also a native of my home state of Alabama.

Lindsey was said to be one of the nicest and funniest men in show business, and did a lot of philanthropic work, including raising over $1 million for Special Olympics and establishing the George Lindsey/UNA Film Festival in 1998, an annual  spring event at his alma mater the University of North Alabama.

Even though I never met him, I do have one funny story about George “Goober” Lindsey that I think you might enjoy. And, as most things do in the great state of Alabama, it involves football.

When I was a kid I was a big Alabama Crimson Tide football fan, and I 11 years old when Alabama traveled to Happy Valley to play Penn State on that fateful day - October 8, 1983. If you say those dates to any real Alabama fan, you’ll no doubt get a huge - and mostly, negative - reaction.

Alabama trailed for much of the game, finding themselves down 34-7 in the third quarter. At that point, the Crimson Tide began what should have been considered one of the most incredible comebacks in college football history - had they not been robbed by the men in zebra stripes.

Alabama quarterback Walter Lewis, after throwing 3 interceptions in the first half, led the Tide back, chopping the lead to 34-28 late in the fourth quarter. With one touchdown already called back due to a clipping penalty, the Tide looked they were about to tie the game in the closing seconds when Lewis broke free from a Penn State defender, scrambled and found tight end Preston Gothard in the back of the end zone for an apparent touchdown. However, the official closest to Gothard, waving his hands wildly, called the catch incomplete, claiming came down out of bounds.

The problem is, the official was. Incredibly wrong. He was so wrong Ronnie Milsaps could tell Gothard was in bounds. For proof, check out the video of the play. Alabama would end up losing the game, going down in Crimson Tide Football folklore as The Catch That Didn’t Count.

At home watching the game on television, I went ballistic. The loss completely ruined my Saturday afternoon, however, the evening was about to get worse. My parents were dragging me and my sister to downtown Birmingham to see Barbara Mandrell in concert.

My parents and sister were, and still are, country music fans, but I would rather have had my tongue shaved with a rusty straight-razor than sit through this thing at the age of 11. After what seemed like an eternity getting into the arena, the  show finally started with an opening set by Roy Clark with Mandrell to follow.

During the break in sets, we hear over the PA system “Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome star of stage and screen and Jasper, Alabama, native George ‘Goober’ Lindsey.” Lindsey walks on stage to a nice, but not terribly enthusiastic, applause to begin a 30-minute or so stand up comedy routine.

After the applause dies down, there was a short moment of silence, then Lindsey says the following:

“I don’t care what the refs say, we won!”

The place, of course, went NUTS and, even though I don’t remember one joke he actually told, I can remember laughing my butt off the next half hour.

Thanks, George. You were one funny Alabama goober.

evilteabagger:

The Great Gibson Guitar Raid: Months Later, Still No Charges Filed

One day I hope we can get to the bottom of exactly why King Barack felt it necessary to raid a legendary U.S. business like Gibson Guitars for no apparent good reason. A year later, it’s no surprise to me that he would come out with the boldest, most frightening power grab ever for an American president. Check out this video from Reason.com and see what you think. I’m still confused.

(via antigovernmentextremist)

Source: reason.com

From a piece over at mensjournal Check this new basketball from Spalding, the Never Flat Basketball. Man, I wish we had these when I was a kid. On a related note, when I was around 9 or 10 I had this really cool soccer ball. It green and gold in the traditional black and white panel design we all know and love today. It had a great bounce and could take a pounding, holding its shape after being whacked against the side of the brick house repeatedly. This was back in 1981 or so, when you were allowed to burn trash in metal garbage cans, and my father a nice fire going in a can next to the house. The ball took one wrong bounce and, before I knew it, my ball was melting in a mass on the top of a burning stack of old newspapers and cardboard boxes. All this to say, man I wish we had leak-proof and FIRE proof athletic balls back in the day. Anyway, here’s what Men’s Journal has to say about the new never flat ball from Spalding. mensjournal: Nothing kills a far-too-infrequent pickup game like a ball that’s as flat as a two-day-old Coors. Thanks to its leakproof membrane, the Spalding Never Flat Basketball ensures you’ll get regulation bounce for a full year before you have to break out the pump. The only thing you’ll worry about is pulled hammies. And your opponent’s jiggling man-boobs. Photograph by Tom Schierlitz
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From a piece over at mensjournal Check this new basketball from Spalding, the Never Flat Basketball. Man, I wish we had these when I was a kid.

On a related note, when I was around 9 or 10 I had this really cool soccer ball. It green and gold in the traditional black and white panel design we all know and love today. It had a great bounce and could take a pounding, holding its shape after being whacked against the side of the brick house repeatedly.

This was back in 1981 or so, when you were allowed to burn trash in metal garbage cans, and my father a nice fire going in a can next to the house. The ball took one wrong bounce and, before I knew it, my ball was melting in a mass on the top of a burning stack of old newspapers and cardboard boxes.

All this to say, man I wish we had leak-proof and FIRE proof athletic balls back in the day.

Anyway, here’s what Men’s Journal has to say about the new never flat ball from Spalding.

mensjournal:

Nothing kills a far-too-infrequent pickup game like a ball that’s as flat as a two-day-old Coors. Thanks to its leakproof membrane, the Spalding Never Flat Basketball ensures you’ll get regulation bounce for a full year before you have to break out the pump. The only thing you’ll worry about is pulled hammies. And your opponent’s jiggling man-boobs. Photograph by Tom Schierlitz

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Source: mensjournal

Mystery Solved: Trio Los Panchos Explained

trio los panchosA couple of weeks ago I wrote this post about the Latin musical group Trio Los Panchos. I snapped a photo of their albums I saw in a discount rack outside of Reed Books here in downtown Birmingham, and mentioned that I had never heard of this group before. Fortunately, a faithful reader of my blog sent me a note recently with the scoop on this interesting and talented group of musicians. Here’s the 4-1-1.

“Trio Los Panchos were an internationally renowned Latin-American group from the 1940s and 1950s. The founding three members were Alfredo Gil and Chucho Navarro (both from Mexico) and Hernando Aviles from Puerto Rico. All of their songs are in Spanish, but they’re beautiful even if you can’t understand them .

The group is known for its romantic love songs/boleros, vocal harmonies, and requinto (smaller and higher pitched) guitars. They recorded a version of the famous Spanish-language song “Besame Mucho” which is wonderful! Anyways, throughout the years the group underwent several changes in its lineup, most notably the addition of Johnny Albino on lead vocals from 1958 until 1968. Their records from this time are some of their most popular.”

For your listening and viewing pleasure, Trio Los Panchos performing Ensalada De Boleros.